Friday is here-so I ran over to see what the next Five Minute Friday had in store…
Ache.
Oh brother.
Here we go-
March holds two birthdays for us-our oldest and youngest daughters-one day apart. Sunday our baby, Leah will be four.
Where did these four years go?
It has never been that a child of ours has made it to four without another child being added.
We knew that Leah was going to be our last child, due to health reasons, but living it is something different entirely.
I have ached for a child for a couple of years now, and prayed for God to either allow a child into our lives, or take this ache away.
Neither has happened yet, so I will continue to pray about it.
This ache is so much greater than I ever expected-it takes my breath away and makes me weep.
I am so very grateful for my six blessings, thankful God saw me fit to receive them. Sharing their lives each day is a joy.
Lord, help me with this ache.
stop.
Dustin and I decided that we too were done when we had our last one, number 5. I have truly struggled with that, but my husband not so much. This is the longest I have been where I haven’t been pregnant since I had my first, and we are over 3 years now. My heart gets sad too. I figure some day I won’t feel so sad about it. I am praying that God answers your prayers soon, Sam, or takes away your ache. HUGS!
Anna recently posted..It’s quite windy out there…..
Thanks, Anna. Not carrying a child or nursing feels very odd to me.
Sam Kelley recently posted..Ache
I understand your ache–truly. Our oldest was 11 before God saw fit to bless us with our next one–our precious daughter. During those years I prayed for God to grant the desires of my heart–or to change my desire. It seemed like He did neither one, but when He saw fit He blessed us with our daughter, now age 7. My joy overflowed! I only have those two, but how precious they are.
I pray for you–for God to carry you close.
Thank you, Susan. I will keep praying.
Sam Kelley recently posted..Ache
I understand this ache as well. It is so hard to discuss with people though, even close friends. I have 4 little ones (ages 1, 2, 3, and 5) and I always get responses like “You should just be happy and love the ones you’ve got” or “Isn’t 4 enough?” or even “don’t you think it’s unfair to the kids you already have to want more”. My situation is a little different because it is only my husband that decided there would be no more kids – actually we never “decided” to have any, they were all surprises. I had that wierd feeling when my youngest turned 1 last year when I thought “Wow, I have never had a 1 year old and not been pregnant again already” And she will be 2 this year and sill no baby on the horizon. I hope that God gives you the peace (or the baby ;) that you are asking for. I have not prayed for peace yet, only for the baby. I don’t feel ready to give up on it
Becky @ Sowing Little Seeds recently posted..Small Blog Love
I have heard all of those things as well. I’ve been told not to be selfish. God gave me a desire to carry children-I am immensely grateful for the ones I have-but it doesn’t make me not ache for more.
Sam Kelley recently posted..Ache
What a
What a gift God has given you to parent so many and still want more. May He direct that ache in you for His purposes. Nice to meet you through FMF.
Thank you, Shelly. That is a wonderful perspective to have.
Sam Kelley recently posted..Ache
MOtherhood….ache. I don’t normally associate those words but every link up I visit connects two. Aches are deep longings only God can fill. We know that, but the waiting for the filling, that’s hard. I love how much you love having kids.
Laura recently posted..Facing the World
Thank you Laura. I can’t wait to see the other posts. We had to go to the dentist this morning. :)
Sam Kelley recently posted..Ache
What a beautiful group of children you have, and how you have been blessed. My heart aches for you as you pray, and I pray as well that you find peace and joy as you await the answer.
Kim recently posted..Five Minute Friday-Ache
Thank you, Kim. I’m headed your way. :)
Sam Kelley recently posted..Ache
I think today, you will receive many responses from mothers who feel the same way and ache along with you. As the Baby approaches his first birthday I’ve been asking God to not allow the desire to pop back up again. I know that 4 is a great number for us, but can’t help and think of ‘who’ might be waiting for us still. The ache not being there would be so much easier, I totally understand. I will add your ache to my prayers about my ache :)
Thank you, Cierra. I feel the same about someone else being out there. It’s tough.
Sam Kelley recently posted..Ache
I think your best comment was that you longing was a gift from God to desire more children, not a curse. Husbands often make a decision where God has placed a longing. If I had been more in tune with that reality four years ago, perhaps things would be different. Our culture has denied women the blessing of motherhood, and husbands the role of encourager to his wife. I pray this longing might be fulfilled in God’s way and time. I love you always, and am so grateful for your gift, and our blessings.
Your response was completely selfless, and I am forever grateful for you.
Sam Kelley recently posted..Ache
My youngest is 9 and at times I still wish I could have a baby. (((HUGS)))
Taunya R recently posted..Comment on Accountability by Becky
Thank you, Taunya. :)
Sam Kelley recently posted..Ache
Oh, sweet friend. I know this ache well. That empty hole you either want removed or filled… Please, Lord, fill the hole the way You see fit.
Hugs to you, friend!
(and I’m loving the words you can shed in 5 minutes!)
Nikki recently posted..He Aches for me ~ Five Minute Friday
Thank you, friend. And yeah, I talk a lot. ;)
Sam Kelley recently posted..Ache
I ache right along with you…all of our girls are 3 years apart on paper and this month, March, is the last month to keep the trend so to speak. I pray for another baby but then at the same time I feel truely blessed by my 5 daughters. My “baby” was born prematurely at 33 weeks and that was hard to deal with, but it has definitely made me stronger in faith at what God brought her through. So I continue to pray and wait patiently for the ache to go away, because if it His will for another baby it will be done.
Jacquelin recently posted..TOS Review ~ Reading Eggs
Amen. I agree completely. Waiting for the answer is harder…
Sam Kelley recently posted..Ache
You are eloquent, lovely, honest, and my heart just hurt with you as I read the post.
I wish that more than several states didn’t separate us.
Meredith recently posted..Five Minute Friday: Obedience = Freedom
I love you.
Sam Kelley recently posted..Ache
Sam – I have kept you in my prayers over time and hope that something comes to fruition soon – whatever it may be. God Bless you and your totally adorable family!
Louanne recently posted..Thankful Thursday
Thank you so much, Louanne. <3
Sam Kelley recently posted..Ache
Tears fill my eyes as I read this. My husband of now 17 years and I have 5 children. The first 3 were expected by both of us. The last 2 took alot of prayer by me to God to change my husbands heart. #4 was born 5 years after #3, then finally I was blessed with #5, 5 years after #4. I long for babies like my life depends on having one in my arms at all times. Although my husband doesn’t. It has been a real struggle for us in our marriage. Being a Christian wife I try to honor my husbands wishes, even though sometimes I don’t want to. I am now 41 and my baby is 22 months old, quickly approaching 2 and I feel an emptiness that is all-consuming, that I will never have another. I understand your ache and I will keep praying as well. Bless you.
Thank you, Beth. It helps to know I am not alone in this. So many in our society think it is wrong to crave the blessing of children. My husband and I both would love more, leaving it to the Lord.
Sam Kelley recently posted..Ache
Hugs and prayers Sam. I know the pain of waiting and wanting and aching. Praying that your ache is eased soon.
aurie recently posted..When the Heart Aches
I know you do. ((hugs, my friend.))
Sam Kelley recently posted..Ache
I know that ache all too well. I’m sorry you have to feel it, too.
<3, my friend.
Sam Kelley recently posted..Progeny Press-Julius Caesar
That ache is all too familiar to me…too many years of trying and failing to have a child. Praying that the ache is eased for you, in whatever way God intends, soon.
Jess recently posted..Go YONANAS!
Thank you, Jess.
Sam Kelley recently posted..The Path Continues
I too have the ache, our youngest is almost 5 and our other is 10. You are very blessed to have your 6. I too know what it is like to want and we are still patiently waiting! I hope that you ache eases and that your girls have great birthdays.xx
Jessie recently posted..Tender Writing Experts
Thank you so much, Jessie. May God take away your ache as well.
Sam Kelley recently posted..Curriculum Clean-Out
Many times I have wondered if that desire for “one more” ever really goes away. When I’ve asked other women that question, they look at me like I’ve sprouted horns and assure me that it does, but I am not there yet. (I am incredibly thankful for the four we’ve been blessed with.) I guess the “bright side” of that ongoing longing is that it means we love motherhood, and love our little blessings. Thank you for sharing with such honesty. It’s really nice to know I’m “not the only one.”
WhyAmySmiles recently posted..Affected
Isn’t it nice to know we aren’t the only ones? I have loved everything about being a mother, and can’t imagine my life without these wonderful blessings! People look at me funny when I say one of the best things about homeschooling is that they get to be with me all of the time. They say they are so glad to get rid of their children. That just seems so wrong!
Sam Kelley recently posted..Curriculum Clean-Out
Yes, it seems wrong, and is also so very, very sad to me. I actually wrote a whole post about that very subject a while back. I think you’ll be able to relate: http://wp.me/s1toU2-773 Thanks again for sharing this honest post. I’m glad I found your blog.
WhyAmySmiles recently posted..Affected
My wife and I just went through a tragic “Ache”. At 17 weeks of pregnancy she miscarried. Doctors encouraged her to go ahead and go through delivery. This baby would have been number 5…now we wonder if we try one more time or if it’s time to focus on raising the four we have. I’ll pray about your ache. You know my wife and I have also considered adoption….
Bryan recently posted..Did Jesus Prefer Puffs With our Without Lotion?
Bryan, I am so very sorry for your loss. Praying for your ache as well.
Sam Kelley recently posted..Progeny Press-Julius Caesar
love you, friend. praying for you.
MarshaMarshaMarsha recently posted..psalm 19:1-3
Thank you, Marsha.
Sam Kelley recently posted..Progeny Press-Julius Caesar
Ahhhhh….I so hear you on this. I know what you are feeling. It’s hard, isn’t it? My youngest will be 4 years old in July and there is no little one coming up in the rear, and it feels very….empty. Yep, that’s a good word for it. Except, well…it’s not my house that is empty. Goodness no, not with nine children in it! But my “plans” for a new little one – empty. My arms that could be holding a new baby — empty. My womb, of course, is empty. I don’t like empty. I pray to the Lord and ask him to either give me a new baby or take away my yearning for a new baby. I will accept either one. Well, he keeps giving me new babies…but they don’t make it past the first trimester. I’ve been pregnant 5 times since our last baby. So I think I need to change my prayer to: Lord, please give us a new baby that makes it OUT of my uterus ALIVE and WELL … OR … take away my desire for more! Perhaps the Lord would rather I be more specific? LOL
Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I completely understand your feelings, and that awful ache. I am secretly envious of those friends of mine who get that absolute feeling of being “done” — I have never had that feeling, and here I am at age 42 and I still don’t have that feeling. I think my “done” receptor in my brain must be either damaged, or I was born without one. Because I don’t ever think I will feel “done” ~ my heart always wants more!
Perhaps we have the same broken receptor. I’m so sorry for your losses. I cannot imagine. Blessings to you.
Sam Kelley recently posted..Progeny Press-Julius Caesar