I have heard so much lately about people getting married too young. Really? I can’t seem to see the benefits of waiting until you are 30, or later.
My husband and I married young; I was 18 and he was 19. We had already been dating for three years, and we knew that we were ready.
Here are some benefits to getting married “too young”, in my opinion:
You haven’t yet had time to become selfish. I can’t imagine living on my own, having everything my way, and then adding someone else to the equation.
You get to grow up together. Yes, we were young, but we stumbled through all of our growing up bumps together. We had someone to lean on, someone who understood.
You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. – Sam Keen
You grow into each other. With all of this growing up, I believe that we have truly become one. We are a team, a pair that has been together from the beginning of our “real lives”.
You get to grow older together. I love seeing this same man, so similar, but so different from “that guy” I knew in high school. He has been my constant companion.
You get more time. Life is so very short. I know this isn’t a hard rule, but it seems the longer you wait to marry, the less time you have with your beloved. Next month is our sixteenth wedding anniversary, and I have no idea where the time has gone!
Love is friendship set on fire. – Jeremy Taylor
I know not everyone meets their spouse at a young age, I am speaking of those who choose to wait, or think others should delay marriage solely based on their younger age. I married young, and I am blissfully happy. I would go back and do it over and over and over if I could.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. – Robert Heinlein
Do you think that couples should wait to marry based on age alone?
© 2013, Sam. All rights reserved.
I had just turned 19 and my husband was 18 when we got married. We had been together for close to three years but had known each other since the 6th grade! We will be married eight years in October. I TOTALLY get what you mean about growing up and in together…so true.
I guess it is all in God’s time. I did not meet the right person until I was 23 and we were married at 25 — I had a college degree and a career, so I had learned some independence. That being said, everyone’s choices are different, and God’s plans for our lives are all different and wonderful.
Congratulations on the gift you and your husband share!
Meeting the right person at that age is not the same as delaying marriage just for the sake of delaying marriage. God’s timing is always right! Blessings to your marriage!
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Wednesday in The Word: 1 Corinthians Four
My husband and I met, got engaged four months later, and married three months after that. I was 18 and he was 25. We celebrated ten years last fall. We’ve had six kids in those ten years, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
Loved your post!
Adrienne Falkena latest thoughts..What a way to wake up.
I’m so glad it has worked out! I was expecting number six in our tenth year. It has been quite a ride!
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Stick With It Saturday
Great blog post! I was almost 18 and my hubby was 23 when we married. 18 years later, we’re still going strong! In fact, our marriage just keeps getting better every year.
It’s such a shame that we are encouraging young people to wait longer and longer in our culture. The idea that is perpetuated is that marriage and childbearing are to much work and young adults should have fun and enjoy living a more independent and carefree life while they can.
However, this way of thinking doesn’t line up with God’s word, which must always set the standard for the Christian. God says that he who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, instructs a man to rejoice in the wife of his youth, instructs the young women to marry and guide the house and calls chidren a blessing and even says women will be saved through childbearing (just for the record, I think this scripture refers to the fact that God uses motherhood to grow us to be more like Him).
As usual, our culture stands in direct opposition to the word of God. It is so important that we view all through the lens of scripure.
“As usual, our culture stands in direct opposition to the word of God. It is so important that we view all through the lens of scripure.”
Absolutely!-and look what good all this waiting {and refusal to see marriage as a life-long commitment} have done for marriage in today’s culture!
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Stick With It Saturday
I was old when I got married (nearly 34), but I wish I had been younger.
But God’s timing is always best, whatever the age.
Marcy @ Ben and Me latest thoughts..Testing 1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . .
Watch it! I am 34, and I am very young!!
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..January Goals
I love this post! I was 17 when married and it will be 11 years this year… I have no regrets! I believe that as long as God is at the center, guiding you in your decision to marry… then age shouldn’t be an issue (especially with the parent’s blessing). My husband was 23 when we married and it was harder for him, even at that “young” of an age, to adjust to married life… he had had more time to become selfish, IMHO. But, Jesus as the leader of the home is what makes a marriage last… no matter the age at the time of marriage. I don’t understand why people, especially Christians, encourage young people to wait until they are older to marry, yet at the same time encourage them to date.. where is the logic in that?? If you are old enough to date, then it should be to find a spouse… not for fun. I agree with others who pointed out that waiting because God has not brought the right one into your life, is fine… just that if you DO find the right one, waiting is pointless and leads to problems. Anyway, great post!
Clarissa latest thoughts..Usborne Books & More eShow!
I agree! Pushing young people to date and NOT marry is leading them to sin. I can’t wrap my mind around it!
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Wednesday in The Word: Proverbs One
My husband and I met in college (I think we were 19), but were just friends through mutual friends. We “met again” a few years later, dated about a year and married just 4 months after our engagement. And we got flack about that short engagement, but I just said, “When you know, you know and I’m tired of waiting!”
We often look at each other and wonder why it took us so long, wishing we could have met in high school, but we can see how God worked through our individual situations, thus preparing our hearts for each other.
My husband is my best friend. God prepared him just for me and I am so thankful! Sometimes I can’t believe we’ve known each other 20 years, or been married only 13, or had 4 children in less than 6 years. We are looking forward to turning 40 together this summer, and many more anniversaries and birthdays together.
MrsHLBjr (Jennifer) latest thoughts..Wednesday in the Word: Colossians 1:5-6
19 years together, and 16 married next month feels like a couple years. It flies by so fast!
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Coming Home
I was 18 and my husband was 21 when we married. We met at church. Dated for a little over a year, then married. Last Nov. we celebrated our 32nd Wedding Anniversary. God is at the center of our marriage. That is what has kept us happy together.
I agree. Congratulations!
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Coming Home
I think any blanket statement is to confining. My parents married young, and were happily married until my father’s death. Were there tough years, yes, but it worked for them. The key was to not have an attitude of giving up, which is where I see the problem today.
I didn’t marry young. It wasn’t a choice really, but more that I waited upon God. I think everyone has a different path to walk and God has everyone do things at different times in their lives. Looking back, I know in many ways I needed the extra time in the “oven” if you will. God blessed me with also finding my husband who had also waited to marry, so there wasn’t all the complicated baggage that can ensue when you wait. No matter when you marry you will have tough times, and you must use prayer and commitment to get through those times.
I have seen very young couples marry at young ages that don’t grow together, and older couples that don’t continue to grow together that marry late; you know what the successful ones all have in common, their marraiges have a funky little shape, God is on top. The key seems to be having God at the helm of the ship and very little to do with age. Sorry… :-)
Garden Tenders/Kim latest thoughts..Peace of Mind
No need to be sorry! I agree, that as long as God has control, we need not worry, I am just saying to define marriage as worthy based on the age of the couple is not right. You waited for God, not a number.
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Too Young?
I agree. God doesn’t always do things when we want, but rather when HE wants. The same was true when it came to getting pregnant. He knows the course before us, and He knows the time that would be best for us. HE IS GOOD!
Garden Tenders/Kim latest thoughts..Peace of Mind
I became engaged a week before my 19th birthday, which was the past November. This post is so sweet and made me tear up reading through it. I could not imagine waiting 3, 4 years to marry him. When people ask why, I return the why right back. Why would I wait when I am perfectly happy, content, and sure of what is right in front of my eyes? Waiting seems silly to me. The only benefit to waiting another year or so would be that the wedding would have more details. Haha
Good for you! May the Lord bless you with many years of happiness!
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Too Young?
I married young too. I think it’s the way it should be. Although my friend didn’t find the right man until much later in life and they have a beautiful marriage. She chose to wait for the Lord to lead her to his servant rather than jumping into something wrong. They key should be to marry in the Lord and He will bless the marriage.
Come over and link up your marriage post to my Marriage Moment this week :
http://www.greatpeaceacademy.com/2013/01/marriage-moment-little-things.html
Renee @ Great Peace latest thoughts..Finding Ways to Stretch the Mind; Differentiated Learning
Waiting for God, yes. I just don’t think you should wait after that person is obvious, because of your age.
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Too Young?
Great conversation. Wanted to share with you that our pastor, Ted Cunningham, has written a book on the topic. Young and In Love – Challenging the Unnecessary Delay of Marriage. http://amzn.to/W5vXTa
Jennifer O. White (@jenniferowhite) latest thoughts..Bring on the Breakthrough
Thank you!!
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Too Young?
I was 18, he was 23. W e just knew. 23 years later, we’ve grown together!
Angie W latest thoughts..Mapping Favorite Trails
Congratulations. We are both blessed!
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Too Young?
I completely agree! Good for you & your hubby! I have 5 kids & I certainly won’t stand in their way if they chose to marry early. I also think starting a family at a young age is great – more energy!! :0) I didn’t start having children until I was 28 & kind of regret it. Thankfully, God is gracious!! Thanks for sharing!
More energy for sure! Unlike you, we had our 6th child when I was 29. I’m still young at 34. :)
If God calls you to marry early then you have to follow His lead. You and your husband faithfully followed God’s will and you have been richly blessed because of it.
Alexis, A Moment with M.O.M. latest thoughts..Let’s Get Organized- Room by Room
Thank you. <3
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Too Young?
My daughter is marrying this
year at age 20 and has gotten a lot of grief. Would you mind if I shared this?
Blog posts are meant for sharing, share away! Thanks!
I love this window into your family. :) And even more, reading through your responses to the comments.. I had no idea that you weren’t a Christian from childhood. What a legacy God has built!! *hugs*
Meredith latest thoughts..The Year of Rejoicing – 2013
Rick was going to be a guy in a band-and now he is a minister! I know God had a plan for us all along. {I was actually baptized into a denomination as an early teen, but was baptized according to the New Testament in 1998.}
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Too Young?
I had just turned 19 at our wedding, my husband was 22. I don’t regret marrying young! Relationships take work no matter the age you start, but we were able to set so many family habits together instead of merging ones we each had done on our own for a decade or two as singles.
Our first child was born two weeks late – and two days after our 1 year wedding anniversary! We didn’t wait to start our family and that was a blessing too. Now I’m 31 and expecting our 8th. Of the people my age at church they are ALL done having babies and their oldest children are usually age 5 or younger, 6 years younger than my oldest…LOL. Everyone I had my oldest baby with stopped having babies long ago (their youngest are now around age 6 and I have four younger than that before this next baby arrives).
Tristan latest thoughts..Week in Review–Collages for You!
I am 34, and 6 is our number. I would love to have more. I miss bringing new life into the world!
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Too Young?
I actually *hope* my kids marry young! Once a person is set in his ways, it’s a lot harder to integrate lives. That, and denying hormonal influences in the late teens and early twenties when there is a perfectly good mate available is a recipe for unhappiness and (possibly, for many) sin. Better to marry than to burn with passion, right? I was married young the first time, and it ended very badly. The problem wasn’t my youth, but our lack of understanding and need of a Savior. Children who are raised wisely (sorry Mom and Dad) and trained in the Lord make wonderful mates, and some of the wisest mates I’ve ever met (or read) were newlyweds.
Cindy latest thoughts..The Need to Breed
Yes, I wish the Lord had been the focus for us, He had a plan anyway. We are raising our children to find the person that will grow with them in every aspect, especially spiritually!
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Too Young?
I married at 22 and my husband was 25. He lived on his own and was somewhat settled, but I did not. My daughter just got married in June. She was 21 and her husband 20. I know a few couples at church who married at 18 and 19, and they are more settled than some of those who are older. I think if it’s right, and God is in the middle of it, then certain 18 or 19 is not too young.
Barbie latest thoughts..Speak Life!
We were not Christians when we married, but we were within our first year of marriage. I think God knew we would be stronger for Him together than apart.
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Too Young?
Sam,
First of all, my children will always be too young to get married and then, when they grow older, they will be too old. They can just live w/me forever :-).
I agree w/you that age shouldn’t be the determining factor as to whether you are ready for marriage, but I do think that being over the age of 18 (legal for taking on responsibilities) is better; the level of maturity is key. I am on the flip side of you with marriage. I was in my middle 30s before I got married and was told by some that I was getting so old. I didn’t wait for any other reason other than two – I wasn’t ready (not in a hurry – just figured it would happen) and God hadn’t brought him to me yet. I also have a tendency to do things late. It makes for an interesting life – our children are younger than couples who are younger than us, etc. Although I was older, I am thankful for the time we have been given together and know that our time of marriage is when it was supposed to happen.
Congratulations on 16 years of marriage and 19 years together.
Jennifer @ Milk & Honey Mommy latest thoughts..Catching up {March 2012 – April 2012}
My assumption was legal age. I don’t condone 15 year-olds for sure! You waited for God’s timing, and that is the perfect age!
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Too Young?
We were 17 and 20 and in May we will celebrate our 25th anniversary! My parents were 17 and 19 when they got married. I agree that its because we were growing together rather than growing up apart and getting set in our ways. Young saplings can be grown into some fantastic shapes but older trees only grow harder and then more fragile.
Happy Anniversary!!
Sam Kelley latest thoughts..Too Young?